Egad! It’s that time of the year again... And no, I’m not talking about the infamous Tax Time where people around the country frantically paw through dusty boxes trying to figure out how much money they donated to the Generation X Fund.

Hmm... a Gen-X Fund... hey, maybe I should start one of those, I could send letters around to wealthy alumni with a sob story about how I’ve never seen the sunrise at Stonehenge and am thus culturaly deprived. I could try to get them to donate money to the "Send-Me-to-England-So-I-can-Bask-in-a- Thousand-Years-of-Culture Fund." Just a thought. Ah, but I see I’ve digressed from my topic... Yes, it’s that time of year again... time to seek out the sun screen and boldly go where you’ve gone before: It’s time for SPRING BREAK.

There can be one of two reactions from this announcement:
A.) You jump up and gleefully scream, "All RIGHT!! Spring Break! Woo-hoo!" or B.) You scratch your head and lean away from your monitor. "Spring Break?" you mutter. "What’s that all about? In my day we didn’t have vacations from school... and we liked it that way!!"

Well, be that as it may, Spring Break is once again looming on the horizon. For us college students, this is the mother of all holidays. Forget the four puny days we had off for Thanksgiving, and toss out the entire month we had for Christmas, now we’re talking Spring Break--a week of basking in the blazing March Sun of Texas and burning away those brain cells we worked all semester fattening up for that pesky Pre-Spring Break round of Incredibly Hard Tests.

Tests... Oops, did I forget to mention those? Unfortunately, IHT’s (Incredibly Hard Tests) are manditory before Spring Break-- teachers seem to know that brain power dwindles down to a level only dogs can hear during this week of vacation. They want to make sure to test us on everything before we take off for parts unknown and forget all knowledge except how to add ice to water. Sometimes this strategy works, sometimes it doesn’t, it’s all a matter of timing.

Now comes the tricky part. If the test is close to the time you plan to flee your campus, you may find yourself sitting in the test, sans your brain. It's strange but true.

I can tell you that this is not a good thing. It’s never good to be sitting in a class and the second you look at the test you realize your brain has decided to catch an earlier flight. It's gone. It's left you in your moment of need---there it is on a plane heading south. Bye-bye brain. It’s eatting peanuts and trying to con the stewardess into giving it a whole can of soda, meanwhile, there you sit knawing on a pencil and trying to remember what letter comes after Q.

Finally though, you remember that R comes after Q, you escape from class, grab your bags, and head for the airport. "Ah," you think, "Vacation time..." but hold on a minute, don’t shimmy into that bathing suit just yet.

"What?!?" you say, holding in your process of taking off your clothes, which causes the guy at the ticket counter to look rather relieved.

That’s right, because, it’s important not to forget that the vacation doesn’t start until after you get off the plane. We mustn’t forget the bain of the traveler, the thwarter of plans, the nemesis of punctuality---the infamous plane delay. "Oh no," you groan, letting your travel bag slip to floor of gate C-34, as you sink down into that slick, black airport chair to await news of your flight.

Seconds turn into minutes. Minutes turn into hours. Hours turn into more hours. Then they start multiplying, then dividing, then they turn into algebra. Finally, an annoucement echoes over the PA, "Attention passengers: Twilight Zone Air flight 007 has been delayed. Why? Well, heck if we know, and even if we did, it’s (Hehehe, snicker, chortle) not like we’d tell you. But if you hang around the terminal for a few hours, we’re sure it’ll come along eventually."

Well, now you’re in trouble. It’s late and you haven’t eaten, and you’re now stuck in an airport while your plane is trapped in a holding pattern somewhere over either the Bermuda Triangle or Newark. You notice the person next to you has taken the ultimate plunge and engaged in the very, very last act of supreme desparation... they bought food at the airport snack trap.

The very words strike terror in the minds of travelers. Let's face it, airports are a snare, and once you stumble into one, they aren't going to let you get away cheap. Some airports thoughfully provide a large eatting area for its starving passengers. They've got it all: a Wendy's, a Taco Bell, a pizza place, a salad place, a coffee place, and about half a dozen others I can't even remember. Innocent stuff huh? Ah -- but as time passes, they lure you towards them with the smell of familiarity. Soon, you start drooling for that Taco Supreme or that Wendy's patty melt, then you suddenly notice that you aren't in Kansas anymore Dorothy. Toto too.

The horror of airport price gouging suddenly freezes you in your tracks. "Two bucks for a Taco?!?!" you yell. You stare incredulously at the price sign, all the while standing dangerous close enough to the counter to make a purchase.

It's now that the other part of your brain kicks in, you know, that sneaky part..."Two bucks," it says in that slick voice. "It's a lot for a taco... But Mmmm, doesn't it look goooood? Yeah... just look at that meat, and that cheese, Mmm, even that lettuce looks good. I know you don't like lettuce much, but isn't it good when it's on a taco? Your Mom would be happy, she's always trying to get you to eat more veggies... go ahead, get one, heck, get two... look, you're already standing right here next to the counter. Hey, I'm your brain, I wouldn't steer you wrong." This is assuming of course, that you managed to catch up with your brain after it ditched you for that earlier flight.

Your fate is now sealed. Your brain has talked you into spending ten bucks on two tacos and a large Dr. Pepper. Don't feel bad though, desparation and hunger are often known to lead to temporary bouts of insanity.

As you finish your meal, a sudden annoucement brings joy to your plight, even though it comes twenty minutes too late to keep you from buying food at the snack trap.

"Attention passengers: We here at Twilight Zone Air would like to annouce the arrival of flight 007. (hehehe) It turns out it's really been here for the last 5 hours, but it got lost on the new runway and has been driving around in circles ever since... So don't we feel just a little bit silly?" The passengers who have been trapped on the plane while it joy rode around the runway then disembark, muttering various profanities toward the flight crew, and questioning their own intelligence for riding on an airline called Twilight Zone Air.

But you don't care because now, ah, now, at long last, your vacation is about to begin. You board the plane, and seek out your assigned seat, and soon giddily discover that no one will be sitting next to you.

Things are looking up.

The stewardess steps to the front of the aircraft, and plucks the intercom from its rest. "Hello!" she says energetically, "I'm Bubbles and I'll be your stewardess tonight. I drank waaaayy too much coffee while the plane was circling, so I'm a little hyper right now. So if you want me to get something for you, you'd better let me know before I fall into caffine withdrawl."

Forty-five minutes later, your plane has begun its final decent, and Bubbles isn't quite so bubbly anymore. "Take off that headset!" she snarls, "Put that tray table up mister. And you!... Yeah, you lady, that seat doesn't look like it's in an upright position to me. Are you trying to violate FAA regulations? Don't screw with me, I know how to disarm terrorists!"

At long last, you're on the ground. Terra firma. Bubbles once again takes the intercom, apparently having located a new source of caffine, "Hi! This is Bubbles. I hope you all enjoyed your flight. Local time here is six hours later than when you were supposed to get here. But I don't care because I get paid anyway! On behalf of the rest of the crew, we hope you'll fly Twilight Zone Air again. Buh-bye!"

The plane opens, and you're free. You can sit around your childhood home and do absolutely nothing all week, you can go to the beach and mingle with the other 1.2 million fellow college students there, you can sleep late, and usually don't have to even think about anything educational.

All good things must come to an end however. At the end of the week, you'll once again find yourself back in the airport, bag in hand, and Spring Break memories already growing dim. Did you ever really have a vacation? As you board the plane, you notice that through some quirk of fate, you've managed to get Bubbles and her merry little crew, and this time it looks like it's been a while since she had her caffine fix. She snatches the microphone. "Hi." she says curtly, "My name is Bubbles, I haven't had any coffee in twenty-four hours, and trust me, this is going to be a looonnnngggg flight."

You settle into your seat. Yep. The vacation is over.